Bratz!

The best definition I could find of these vinyl whores came from the Urban Dictionary:

A new doll line that debuted around 2001, to compete with Barbie. Bratz dolls are designed for tweens of this generation, who are learning about sex, drugs, and violence at such an early age now that traditional princess-type dolls no longer represent reality.

Bratz dolls come with clothes that are skimpy and trampy looking, and there is no alternative. You can't buy any Bratz clothes that cover their bodies properly, or look conservative.

Bratz were supposed to release their first full length feature film this year, I never saw it. However, I did see the “cinematic gem” BRATZ ROCKSTAR ANGELZ the other night and I began to wonder how these disproportionate whores came onto the market, this what I found this poorly written article that I combined with my own smart ass comments added in every now and again!

Size of Bratz Dolls: Bratz dolls are 10" in height, but have a much more "chunky" (Less boobs more “junk in the trunk”) feel than Barbie dolls which are 11.5" in height. There is also a pocket-sized "mini Bratz" (Tiny ho’s) doll available. (Also available, GAINT BRATZ these things look like small children with abnormally large heads and super slutty outfits)

Years of Production of Bratz Dolls: Bratz dolls began production in the summer of 2001, and they are produced by MGA Entertainment.

Materials and Characteristics of Bratz Dolls: Bratz dolls are made of vinyl--hard vinyl for the head and body with softer, bendable vinyl for the arms and legs. (Naturally) Bratz dolls also have a unique feature--when you change their shoes, you actually change their feet--the shoes and feet pop off as one (WTF?!?!). This obviously isn't very realistic, but it is fun for play and it does solve the problem of tiny doll shoes being vacuumed up all over the house. (If the dolls are only 10” would the feet still not be able to feel the wrath of a vacuum? Or are their feet as proportional as their heads? Which, are GIANT)

Controversies about Bratz Dolls: Bratz dolls are somewhat controversial because of their heavy diva-like (Diva-like? I don’t think Mimi wore that much eye shadow) makeup and their “oh-I'm-so-bored” (Is that what it's supposed ot be? I thought it was more of a "come hither" expression!) heavy attitude expressions. Many mothers have also objected to the skimpy and/or overly "fashionista" outfits. (AKA my daughter’s playing with something you would find on a hooker run, except with a bigger head and feet that pop off!) Other mothers are simply so happy to have their 9-12 year old daughters still playing with dolls that they happily overlook those aspects of the doll. (Um, I’ve yet to see a 9-12 year old play with these things, and the movies are defiantly not geared towards that age group, although Rockstar Angelz did have a woman fall down an elevator, the only highlight of the movie I might add!) Whatever mothers think 9-12 year old girls are crazy about Bratz dolls!

A couple things I have to argue with this “Expert on Bratz dollzzzz”

1. Have you ever seen a 9-12 year old playing with these things? I sure haven’t although I did see a six year old in McDonalds one year with one, and they were about the same height! I had to do a double take because the dolls head was so abnormally large.
2. If these dolls are geared towards the “tween” generation, why are we telling them dressing like slutty ho bags is the way to go?
   

All in all, I give the BRATZ ROCKSTAR ANGELZ a solid 4.5 out of 10. It would be lower but the stereotypes, over use of pink to portray evil, and old woman falling down an elevator shaft make it tolerable! However, I think my kids are going to play with Tamagotchi’s!

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I realize that I should be studying, however I decided that I needed to see where I stood on the Naughty or Nice List and its official, I'm on the nice list (as if there was any question!). In celebration I would like the following:

• A Hippopotamus
  for myself
• A Snap-On shopping spree for Graham
• A Firebird/Trans Am for Carling
• A cricut for Kyley
• A new favorite T-shirt for Jackie
• A soccer themed room for Danielle
• Unlimited amounts of cotton spun yarn for Juli, in a rainbow of colors
• A never ending supply of wine for Jenna
  
• A high definition television for Chad so he can fully experience his PS3
• Red shoes for Steve so he can continue to support The Reds!
• A giant BAM for Paul (Preferably on a sign, similar to the old Batman television series)
• A closet full of fancy dresses for Carolyn.
• The rebirth of Dave’s Sunfire.
• A 43” Plasma screen for my brother, but not the PS3!

OH and

• A puppy that doesn’t run away!

Thanks and Much Love!

Miko

My Views On The Subject...

This is an e-mail I wrote to the PM...



Dear Prime Minister,

I understand that tomorrow you plan on voting against same sex marriages. Although I doubt that you will actually read this e-mail I must voice my displeasure with this idea. I will be the first to admit I am a very liberal thinker. If two people love truley love each other, they have a right to be together.

Our country bends over backwards to be as accommodating to people of other nationalities. And I feel that Canada has lost part of its identity on account of that. I realize that we are a multicultural society, and I appreciate and am very proud of the fact that we, unlike our melting pot neighbours, embrace people's ethnicities and celebrate that we are all in fact different.

So sir, why is it that we are not accommodating our own citizens as well? I present this question to you:

If homosexuality was something that was only practiced in another country, and gay marriage was part of their religion, would it then become legalized?

If two people love each other what right do any of us have to tell them that what they are doing isn't legal?

I'm sure you are a religious man yourself, so I say let God decide what is right and wrong in the matters of love. In the matters of the law, if for no other reason then allowing two people who love each other share the same dental plan. Please rethink your vote.

Thank You,

Miko

Once Upon a Doghouse

Once upon a fall semester in the year 2006, Miko, a student, wanted to make a doghouse for her incredibly spoiled brat of a dog as one of her area assignments for her Production Techniques class. However, this was not going to be any old doghouse. This doghouse was going to have “a room with a view” or as Miko liked to refer to it, the "pimped out puppy palace", or P³.

Once she found this amazing doghouse she went to the scene shop and discussed the size and price of the doghouse with the all knowing carpenters. She was frightened at first when D.G. told her it would cost her $100. But after talking to J, and having him reassure her that the doghouse didn’t have to be any bigger then 2’x2’ especially considering the fact her dog weighed all of 5lbs, and that she would really only have to buy the plywood. Miko’s embarked on her first journey… buying plywood!

Miko traveled to the magical store Home Depot, she found a piece of plywood named ½” good one side spruce. Miko took one look and knew that was the piece of plywood that was meant for her (it was a really nice piece of plywood!)! After having it cut in half and getting into a minor scrap with the stupid piece of plywood on the way to the cashier till (which it won and the scars still haven’t healed). Miko loaded the plywood into her Grandfather’s minivan, as her Chrysler Sebring wouldn’t be able to handle such a task. Miko traveled to the other side of the city, over the bridge and arrived at the loading dock where she dropped off the wood.

Construction of her project did begin the next week, the wood was cut into 2’x2’ squares and she cut a doorway out in one of the pieces, so the dog could enter and exit the box (She thought it might be a good idea).

After the doorway was cut, Miko used all mighty brad nails and his sidekick, carpenters glue, to piece the box together. The future of the ½” piece of plywood was beginning to take shape.

After Miko pieced the box together she carefully selected friends for the ½” plywood from the scrap wood piles, she then cut the pieces to length on the chop saw.

The decorative pieces were glued, nailed, sanded and then put
onto the box, with a few mishaps along the way.

Construction the second story began and after the posts were put in place, it looked like a big, ugly crown.

With the help of D.G., Miko successfully finished the second story. And, in the words of D, it was a bitch! Miko doesn’t know how to measure so the boarders were short, then when they were the right size she didn’t know how to put them in properly, the nails would not stay in and she was forced to clamp them for a bit, but finally, everything came together and all of the boarders were level! The doghouse was finally beginning to take shape. And, after the second story was completed Miko moved onto the boarders of the house.

Those were fine! Well they sucked to put on and it involved a lot of measuring and cutting, but other then that it was fine!

All that was left was the stairs and after measuring many angles and cutting, pre drilling, re cutting, screwing, and re-screwing them, measuring, re-measuring, and many test fits, the stairs were finished. Miko’s P³ was finally constructed!

After looking at the doghouse repeatedly it was decided that the doorway needed a frame. So after two attempts and one broken band saw blade Miko FINALLY had the construction of her doghouse completed!

It only took her, you know, forever to finish the freaking thing.

All that was left was to paint! Taping and painting took another solid two days and she couldn’t get the paint to stop bleeding through (probably because of the fact she was using masking tape, or so she’s told) and taking the tape off was a pain in the ass as well.

FINALLY after numerous coats, a totally unreasonable amount of bad cuts, and many screw ups with the brad nails. Miko’s puppy palace was finally complete. It reminded her of something out of a Dr. Seuss book.

She never plans on working with wood again. That’s a lie; she’s taking 3811 next semester...